finding true rest

The family I live with has the most beautiful home. Sometimes I still can't believe they let me live with them because (as my parents can attest) I'm super messy and leave dishes all over the place and come home at odd hours. But the Evans are gracious in all ways and I will forever be grateful for them.

My favorite part of their house is the back porch. Sometimes I sit out there for hours and just look at the beauty the Lord has created. There's a tiny forest just a few feet from the fence that I've ventured in to a few times, and a small lake that has the most still water I've ever seen. (Although there are supposedly snakes so I won't be exploring that anytime soon.) 

This semester has been a rollercoaster and it's not slowing down anytime soon. My last year at SFA has brought up new emotions that I don't want to deal with yet but life around me doesn't quite understand that.

Yet, I have never experienced as much rest as I do right now in this season of life. I'm sitting on the back porch as I write this, looking at steady trees and calm waters, and all I can think about is Jesus. He is constant and steady and true and omnipresent and so much more.

What makes my rest even more difficult to fathom, is that I no longer know what I'm going to do with my life. For three years, I thought I was going to go into the foreign mission field after college. And I still pray for that opportunity someday, but the Lord has shown me in numerous ways lately that He has something else, something better prepared for me.

I have no clue what that plan is, though. I don't know if I'll stay in Nacogdoches or move out of the country. I don't know if I'll work for a church or work in an office. I simply just don't know anything about my future.

And that excites me.

The past few weeks I've learned what it really means to trust in the Father more than I ever have in my life. I walk around moment by moment with my arms stretched open and I know the Lord is going to fill my hands with something—and it will be beautiful. God absolutely has a plan for my life. I know that with certainty. I know that God will use me in whatever way He wants me to.

True rest means that we cast ALL our burdens on Jesus. The burden of my future, my finances, my life is not mine to carry. If I tried to carry it all, I would crumble. But praise be to God that He sent His all-powerful, all-loving Son to walk through this crazy life with me.

I would like to clarify that I have had a few moments of panic in these past few weeks. There have definitely been times when I've become overwhelmed with everything. But quickly I am reminded of God and everything He's done for me.

The Son became a human, lived life among broken people, died on the cross and rose again so I may be free form this world. All the fears, anxieties, pressures, and temptations about this world no longer have control over me. I can walk confidently into an unknown future because I know God is with me through it all.

Find your happy spot to rest in. It may be the well-loved couch in a coffee shop, the middle of woods, your bedroom, or the backyard of a home full of loving-kindness. Rest is so powerful. It can affect our day-to-day lives, and we don't even realize it. If you've been feeling distraught or stressed lately, take time to rest. Rest in the Father and His will for us. Rest in the love of Jesus. Rest in the power of the Spirit. Rest in the living word of God.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever." - Psalm 73:26 

Simple Gospel

It's only Tuesday but this week has been busy and hectic for me already. It's the end of the year so I have projects and papers to finish, and my brain is so tired it seems like I haven't had sleep in days. 

It's during this stressful times that I leave God on the back burner instead of turning to Him for comfort. But after a beautiful night with my community group girls (who I love very very much), I decided that my assignments can wait while I spend some much needed time with the Lord. 

And I'm so glad I did. 

Reading through John tonight, I was reminded of how much Christ deeply loves and cares for all His children. Chapter 17 is a prayer that leaves me in awe every time I read it. Knowing that he is about to be lead to his death shortly, Christ takes time to pray to his Father on behalf of all people. He asks the Lord to watch over them, take care of them, and lead them well even after he leaves this earth. What a wonderful Savior!

This semester I have really tried to focus on what exactly it means for me that Christ died on the cross. Growing up in church, I've grown accustomed to hearing about the resurrection story; it didn't effect my life anymore. But hearing the story at Easter awakened a curiosity in me that I hadn't had in a long time. What does Christ's crucifixion mean to me? Why is it so important that he rose again? 

I probably should have answered these questions a long time ago, but my answers would have been very rehearsed. Now, I know precisely what it means to me. 

God came to earth and manifested himself as a perfect, loving man, who then chose to die so that I may live. He chose to give up his own life so that I might know his Father and receive the Helper to navigate through this crazy life with. He died so that I could have no fears, worries, or anxieties, but instead I could have peace and comfort that is only found in his embrace. Most importantly, he died not only so that he could overcome darkness, but that I might have the same power to withstand against the attacks of the enemy.

I've lived most of my Christian walk not really focusing on what Christ did, but instead looking past that and wanting more knowledge. While studying theology is certainly not a bad thing, it's a bit ridiculous to learn more about the person of Christ while completely forgetting the entire reason he even came down to this world in the first place. There would be no point of Christianity if there was no gospel.

My prayer is that I never lose sight of what Christ has done for me, that I daily take time to consider what he has done (and what he is doing) for me and let it affect every area of my life. I hope that after you've read this, you take time to really think through all God has done for you. 

Let the love of the Father was over you day by day, moment by moment. When you walk with the Father, your life will never be the same again. It is difficult, but dang, it's worth it.

"Your love so deep is washing over me

Your face is all I seek, You are my everything

Jesus Christ, You are my one desire

Lord, hear my only cry, to know you all my life"

- Sinking Deep by Hillsong Young & Free

Let God Be God

The world is full of sadness. It is full of terrible circumstances, natural disasters, wicked people. Even the church is full of sorrow at times. It can be so overwhelming to see people whom we love have to trudge through the trenches of despair. In this past week alone, I have seen dear friends struggle with relational issues, deep sin, heavy hearts, and extending grace to others. It has been so hard to watch my friends deal with the hardest parts of life, and know that there is nothing I can do to make things better. I know for myself, I just want to take on the sorrow of my loved ones. If I have a friend who is hurting, I try to take on their sadness for myself so that they can be happy.

But that is exhausting. I am not called to take on the sadness of the world. I am not even supposed to allow my own sorrows consume me. I have a High Priest whose love was so great that He chose to offer up his life--to the point of death--so that I would be able to walk away from the troubles of this world and walk in the peace of The Father. He takes on all my despair, listens to my troubles, and cares for me as I weep. He is far better at comforting His people than I ever will be.

Recently, I read an article and in it was a line that spoke deeply to me:

"It's not our job to make people leave their time with us feeling better about their lives. In fact, God didn't give us the title Chief Problem Solver. He firmly keeps that title for Himself. Many times our only role in troubling moments is to look to a God who knows the whole story and ask Him to do what He's good at…Be God."

How true are those words. While I desperately want to fix all the issues in my friend's lives, that's not my role. I am so thankful for that, as well. As much as I would love to be the one that is able to make all my friends happy, that is so much more responsibility than I could handle. Praise the Lord that He is powerful enough to deal with all things in our lives, good and bad and small and huge. My only job is to love the Bride of Christ well. I prefer that task far more than I prefer the task of taking on the weight of this world.

So take time to thank the Lord, for His grace, mercy, and unconditional love. Thank Him for continually having His arms wide open for all His children to run straight into. Even in the midst of hard times, He is carrying us through it all. And when you run into times of dealing with sorrow, or if you are unsure how to comfort a hurting friend, simply step back and let God be God.

Accepting Peace

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the 
world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful." - John 14:27

Peace is something our world knows very little about. If I'm being honest, I truly 
cannot recall a time where our nation has not been at war. There have been talks 
of peace, but no actions.

I strongly believe that this contributes greatly to my generations confusion 
of peace. Too often, I have had to comfort my friends because of the over-
whelming stress in their life. And while I'm happy to be there as a shoulder to 
cry on, my comfort can only go so far. They claim that they want peace in their
life, but how can they seek something they've rarely ever seen?

There are constantly things life throws at us that push us off balance. When we 
reach a stressful situation, there are two paths to follow: a path of worry or a path 
of peace.

It's easy to find links online that will teach people how to deal with stress. The 
long list includes exercise, eating right, planning better.

None mention seeking peace through our Heavenly Father.

It is only through the Father that we are able to find rest. He is the one who gives 
us the "peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, [and] will guard your 
hearts and minds through Christ Jesus," the one who has "overcome the world," 
and He is the one who is an "ever-present help in trouble."

Resting in God's peace is not an easy thing to do; learning to find my peace in Him 
was not an overnight thing. It took a lot of patience and faith while going through 
trials. I believe I am finally at a point now where at least most of the time I choose 
to give over my issues to the Lord and accept the peace He desires for me. 
Personally knowing what going through life with God's peace and without it is like, 
I fully desire peace with God for everyone.

Whether you go through a family fight, a medical issue, a financial crisis, whatever 
it is-- trust in the Lord. It's not necessarily easy, but it is better. 

take me deeper than my feet will ever wander

I sat on the banks of Loch Lomond and cried for half an hour after I realized what God was calling me to do. I begged and pleaded for Him to change His mind. He didn't, so I (reluctantly) obeyed. He wanted me to go home to America. What a ridiculous request of Him to make, I know.

I had only been in Scotland for five days, yet in those five days, I had never felt closer to God. I'd been on mission trips before, but I had never sensed God so present in my life like He did during those days. He used those ten days I was in Scotland to show me what was to come in my life.

I've known for about three years now that God wants me to use my life to help break His people free from the chains of human trafficking. My heart breaks for the 27 million who are enslaved. My response to trafficking is much like Esther when she pleads on behalf of her people: "For how can I bear to see the calamity that is coming to my people? Or how can I bear to see the destruction of my kindred?" (Esther 8:6)

I had accepted that I was going to work with the A21 Campaign the moment God revealed the organization to me. I knew in my heart that this was who I am supposed to work for. Although it was a shock when I felt God call me to work at their headquarters in Sydney, Australia.

I thought I had fully accepted that I was one day going to move there. I still had some anxiety, though, about leaving behind everything I had ever called home. That’s why God revealed Himself to me in ways I had never experienced on my trip to Scotland.

God showed me that there was no need to be fearful of going to a country that I had never experienced because He was going to be there. And He is a familiarity that is incomparable. He has given me peace about moving and I am so excited to experience the life that He has in store for me half way across the world.
That’s why I was so against heading back to America. I know fully that I am to live overseas, and I was dreading returning to a place where I know I won't be happy.

I love America and I always will, but I love my God more. He is calling me to a place where His people need me, and I am willingly ready to go where He will lead me.

For now, I'm still trying to adjust to life in America. There are many things about the American way of life that bug me, but I'm learning to accept them. I know that wherever I go in life I won't have a "perfect life," but so long as I continue to follow the path God has laid before me, I know that I will have the life that is perfect for me.

So, I ask for prayer as I continue to move towards the day when God tells me it is time to leave. I have peace with God's decision, but I know this is a hard plan for my family to accept. At the time of writing this, I am confident that I will be going to Australia. That being said, God could change my path at any moment in time, so I also ask for prayer that I will be content wherever He asks me to go.

a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

Growing up, I was never lonely. Unless I purposely isolated myself, I always had friends that I could call up at a moment’s notice and hang out with. Yet, there were times where I felt all alone.

Thankfully, I can’t remember the last time I felt alone. I know that God loves me because He has provided a loving group of people who care and encourage me. I know that some people have hard college years because they never allowed anyone in their life. This is not the case for me—and it makes my heart so happy to say this. I have been surrounded by people who I can laugh and hang out with, while also having great conversations about all the ways that Christ is moving through our lives.

I shared earlier this year that I have been working on vulnerability. I want to be more honest about who I am and what my life for the past 19 years has looked like. I’m still working on that transparency, and I have found that the biggest push for me has been my community group.

Since I started college, God has provided me with a safe place to go every Monday night full of wonderful women who love The Lord and me. I can share the depths of my heart and know that they won’t be laughed at. These girls know my hopes, fears, dreams, struggles, everything. And they accept me and work with me through it.

The first few weeks I met with my community I sat quietly and absorbed what everyone else was saying. I spoke out (maybe) once during my entire first month. When I finally realized that these girls genuinely cared about me, my perspective changed. I shared things with them that only a select few people that I had known for years knew about me. Over time, I realized that a community of people whose common factor is Christ is the ideal group of friendship anyone could ask for.

I’m not entirely sure what my life would currently look like if I had not intentionally sought out a community last year. I don’t want to know what it would look like because I know it would not be as good as my life is right now.

It breaks my heart to hear people who claim to be Christians that they don’t see or feel the need to live in community with other believers. Life is hard, but the Lord provided fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to help walk with us through hard times. God is undoubtedly sufficient for our needs, but He desires for us to be unified as his body.

So, if you claim to be a Christian, yet you refuse to partake in the unified body of Christ, I want you to really examine why you don’t want community. Consider going to church, joining a small group, or just meeting with a few other believers regularly. God does great things in individual lives, but greater things happen when the body of Christ gathers in His name.

“Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Identity.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." - 1 Peter 2:9

Ask me how I identified myself in high school and I would have told you the following: smart, funny, loving, a good friend, and a fairly decent daughter. Oh, and a Christian.

Ask me that now and with full confidence I can tell you that I am a child of the one true King who is daily trying to please my Creator. I fail more often than I’d like to admit, but despite all my letdowns, I am still loved and sought after by my perfect Father.

Bit of a difference in my responses. The reason for the change in my answer is simple: I finally accepted grace.

I struggled with grace for a long time, and I know I’m not the only one. The biggest problem is that I didn’t understand what grace was in the first place. In my mind, grace and mercy were the same thing to me. I was always so confused by this until someone finally explained it me:

“Imagine that you are a kid without a license. One night, you decide to take your parent’s car for a joy ride. As you begin to back out of your driveway, you lose control of the car and end up hitting your neighbor’s fence. There are now three ways your offense can be dealt with. The first is your neighbor’s calling the authorities and you are fined. This is justice. The second is that your neighbor’s don’t press charges, but they do make you pay for a new fence. This is mercy. The final way this situation can be handled is your neighbor’s forgive and don’t ask you to do anything for them. This is grace.”

Put into these words, I finally understood grace. But then, I was faced with the challenge of accepting God’s grace that was given to me. There are many things I have done in my past that I am not proud of, and I know there will be things in my future that I will fail at. Despite all those things, God, being rich in love, has given me freedom.

My identity does not belong in my sinful self. God does not want me to place my life in sin, but in Him instead. His will for my life is far better than anything I could ever imagine for myself. I have lived my life both according to my sin and according to God’s will, and I choose God. Nothing will ever compare to the comfort of resting in God’s grace. To not have to live my life wallowing in self-pity day after day after day is indescribable.

I’ve been learning more and more about God’s grace these past few weeks. What I’ve discovered has changed my world. Placing my identity in Christ is one of the scariest decisions I have ever made, but it’s also been the most rewarding. All my life I’ve said that I will follow Christ wherever He wanted me to go, but when I said them, they were in vain. Just empty words that I didn’t give a second thought about. Now, when I do say those words, I say them carefully and slowly, because I understand the weight of them.

Grace is a weird concept to grasp. Honestly, I still don’t understand all of it, and I probably never will. But for now, I’m going to daily accept it and remind myself that no matter what I do, good or bad, God is still good and loving to me. And at the end of the day, that’s all I really need.

(This is a really good song called Grace Alone. Just to let you know.)