Impatiently Waiting for Patience

I've been saying for years that I want to be more patient in life. This summer I am going to accomplish that goal.

I was probably about 13 when I realized that I was an overly impatient person. I knew at the time that it wasn't good to be impatient, but I never really cared much about it to change anything. Patience is so vital to life. Patience can be used in so many different ways and there are honestly no negatives to having patience. 

Looking back on my life, there have been a few times where I've been able to be patient. But those times were few and far between. I had to be patient on finding out where I would be serving The Lord this summer--(FYI, it's Scotland for those who don't know). Waiting to hear from someone who I didn't know well for something that would be a huge impact in my life was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I was able to endure and now my patience has paid off. 

That doesn't mean that I suddenly became the most patient person in the world. Actually if you had asked me early last week, I would have let you know that I didn't have a patient bone in my body. 

It's been a week since I began working with some of my favorite kids on the world. It's also been a week since I've began working with children who need more patience than I have. 

Obviously I love being a camp counselor, but I'd be lying if I said that all days were fantastic. There are some kids who are angels one day and then divas the next. And that's okay because they're all still kids so it's perfectly fine for them to have moments of misbehavior since they're still learning. 

But it's not alright for me to have those misbehaving moments. 

I know that if I want to keep being happy at my job, I'm going to need A LOT of patience. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I love children. I absolutely adore working with children. But that doesn't mean that loving them is always easy. 

I cannot constantly yell at the kids or punish them via timeout simply because they don't do what I say right away (no matter how bad I really want to). In these "troubling times," patience comes in handy.

I know that God is using these kids to teach me patience right now. It's been one week and I can already feel myself becoming more patient, especially with the kids. I can now only pray that I will grow more patient throughout the summer. One day I hope that when God calls me to do something that requires patience, I will be able to do it happily and not complain. 

And I know that God's timing will come for me, but until then, I'll be patiently waiting. 

More Than Enough

I finally did it. I created a blog.

I cannot count the number of people who have encouraged me to write a blog within this past year. Of course I love to write—I am a journalism major for crying out loud. Yet every time someone would say something to me, I would always give some excuse. The easiest excuse to give to people was that I write enough for my classes.

(FYI: I write the same amount as much as every other college student; I’m still just taking my basics.)

The real reason I never wanted to start a blog, was that I didn’t think that I would have anything worth saying. I didn’t think that my words or thoughts or opinions mattered. I struggled for nearly 18 years with my confidence. I rarely ever thought I was good enough in anything I did. I constantly second guessed myself. I struggled often with accepting praise for any accomplishments. I never liked the way I looked or acted. I just didn’t like me.

And I didn’t like that I didn’t like me.

So at the beginning of this year, I made a promise to myself that I would love who I was. Six months into this year, and I can gladly say that I absolutely adore myself. The hardest part was digging down to the root of my issue. It took a while for me to understand why I ever even hated myself in the first place.

The problem was that I was looking at myself wrong. I saw the things that made me inadequate and thought of them as bad things. But they are not bad things. In 2^nd Corinthians, Paul tells about his weaknesses and how he thought they made him insufficient to teach the Gospel, when in actuality, his weaknesses brought more glory to God.

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

You see, my weaknesses and flaws are all a part of me. I was given the abilities and imperfections I have for a reason. And while I may not know all the reasons behind them, I am beginning to accept them, which is a start.

So even though I may not think that I am the prettiest or smartest or nicest or whatever the world says I should fill the blank in with, I am more than enough—all  thanks to Christ. And if I am good enough for the creator of the universe, then I am good enough for me.